Coaching is a key activity in building successful teams and programs.
A few months ago, I found myself in a video meeting asking myself, “is it ok to coach someone not on your team? Not even within your own company? Is it like parenting…or is it ok, especially if you are building them up?”
I have to tell you, it was a paralyzing question. It was that scenario where, in reality, only a few moments passed, but in those approx. 130-149 seconds I had somewhere near 200 thoughts racing through my brain. It reminded me of those few times in life, I had clarity – like the time I was in a car accident and as it happened, everything went in slow motion and I saw every. single. detail.
Let me share the scenario.
I was on a proof of performance call with one of our new partner vendors. In reality, my team is running the partnership and doing a phenomenal job, so I really was just there to hear the results in real-time. The relationship is with my team, it is new, I am merely a guest for this end-of-year meeting.
We notice some new people on the call, so we pause to take time to do introductions. It’s the usual: name, role, etc. We get to a young woman from the partner and she tells us her name and proceeds to say, “I just help get things together behind the scenes for these meetings.”
BOOM. And that was it. That was the moment, when I stopped listening and started overthinking. And here’s why. “I’m just” is a trigger for me. I never want anyone to think of their contribution as “just”. And so my mind took off, with amazing velocity.
“Should I coach her?”
“Is it appropriate to coach someone not on my team, not in my company?”
“Is it like parenting, not my team, not my say?”
“Maybe her team will coach her after this”
“If I jump in, what does that mean for our partnership, I respect these people, I don’t want to give the impression I don’t”
I mean the thoughts, SO MANY thoughts came streaming.
So….what did I do? I took the plunge, I chose, in that moment, to coach. Why you ask?
It was a young woman, in a male-dominated industry (sports). She was on the call with our team (two women and a man) and her colleague (a man). On my team, it was two fantastic team members, both active in ensuring, and asking for equity. So now, it was not just my trigger I was considering, I was considering the morale of two of my valued team members. They want to see their team and company say and do the right things. And so I went for it, and said something like this:
“<Woman’s name>, welcome to the team, we’re excited to work with you. I want to encourage you when you introduce yourself, to remove the word “just”. The work you described was important to preparing for this meeting. It is the work we are interested in looking at today. It is the work that will help us know how to continue to work together, so thank you, it’s important.”
I finished and held my breathe….was it a mistake, was it ok…I was not sure.
Luckily, all on the call commented they agreed, absolutely, her work was key. Phew, sigh of relief.
And I am still thinking about it. Why?
Women, and specifically young women downplay their role.
Why, why do we do that?
Why do we accept when others do that?
I still don’t know if speaking up in that moment was ultimately the right thing – and really, I’ll never know. But I do know this. In that moment, she got to hear from another woman that her work is valued.
So now the second test, what do you think? Ok in that moment to coach someone not on my team, in my company? Please share and let me know your thoughts, I look forward to insights and stories from you.
